I Am Not A Pierrot
by meganedanshi
Summary: "I am not a pierrot," were Atobe's next words. Gone was the self-centered tone in his voice. He did not even refer to himself as ore-sama. It was just a simple "I" and yet it was enough to tell Tezuka what he needed to know.
1. I Am Not A Pierrot

**Author's Note:** To be honest, it's my first time writing this pair and M-rated stuff so I hope you do forgive me for the mistakes. I did my best to research about it.

This is a little tribute for Atobe since I was role playing him a long time ago and due to certain reasons I wasn't able to continue doing so. Coincidentally, I was listening to Karakuri Pierrot (acoustic ver) by ShounenT and this story came and wanted to write itself.

_Flashbacks are in italics and found in between the horizontal lines._

_Song translations are also in italics. I'm not really 100% sure of my translations since I paraphrased some of it to make it deeper than just literally translating word per word. _

Disclaimers apply.

* * *

oOo

**I AM NOT A PIERROT**

_by: meganedanshi_

oOo

* * *

"Keigo-sama, pardon my rudeness but it has been two hours already. I believe that whoever you are waiting for might not be coming. Shall we head back to the mansion?"

"Ore-sama shall be the one to call you when he is planning to leave," Atobe Keigo abruptly dismissed his driver with a simple wave of his hand. The man just bowed before leaving his master to his own musings.

The great Atobe Keigo was a sight to behold with his soft and silky hair gently swaying with the cold breeze. His arms were crossed in front of him and his left leg was over his right as he sat. He looked impeccably handsome wearing a black turtleneck under a white long coat jacket ,black gloves and a red scarf. In addition, the snow covered surroundings as his background further enhanced his overall looks. Not even well-known supermodels could copy the grace and elegance that he held.

Atobe slowly stood up from the bench and walked towards the railings in front of him. He was at their meeting place. A sightseeing spot that overlooked the city landscape. Rows of benches aligned with the railings and there were also a few coin-operated telescopes situated there.

"If ore-sama gives you a coin, will you show him what he wants to see?" he asked the machine with a hint of bitterness. Taking off his gloves, he placed a hand on the contraption and let the cold metal further chill his already frigid hands. He sighed and dropped a coin into the slot anyway. He didn't peer at the hole. He didn't have to. He just stood there and looked at the scene ahead with his own eyes. Lights from buildings, street lamps and houses were being turned on. Splashes of pink, orange and violet were mixed in the sky above signalling the end of the day.

He used his other hand to reach for his phone inside his pocket. He glanced at the screen. _No new messages to display_.

* * *

_Two weeks ago __at the very same spot, Kunimitsu Tezuka was seated quietly observing the scenery. It was quite a lovely sight but it did not impress him. There wasn't any form of admiration present in his eyes. His hazel eyes held no emotion except for pain. The stoic captain of Seigaku might not be as in control as what everyone kept saying. Given the current circumstances though who could blame him? His relationship with one of the most precious people in his life had come to a sad end. It was his fault. If only he had seen the signs and the way those sorrow-filled cerulean orbs gazed at him. He should have been more open with his feelings. He should have eased the worry plaguing his lover the moment he saw it. He should have done these things but now it was too late. He would never be able to hold him. He would never be able to run his fingers through his soft brown locks. He would never be able to see his enigmatic smile. He would never be able to._

_"Ara. What is my arch rival doing here? Ahn~" the smooth voice of Atobe Keigo interrupted the bespectacled young man's thoughts. Tezuka shifted his gaze towards him and the look that he had on surprised the narcissistic prince. _

_"Hn," Tezuka replied stiffly before gathering his belongings. He did not want anyone to see him like this. The brunette stood up to leave but was immediately stopped when Atobe unexpectedly grabbed his shoulder._

_"Would you like to accompany ore-sama for a while then?"_

* * *

Atobe checked his watch for the nth time that day.

_3 hours and 15 minutes, huh?_

"Is this your answer, Tezuka?" he said aloud his breath mingling with the cold air surrounding him. The physical pain caused by the cold weather did not amount to the pain he was feeling right now. It was much more. It was so frustrating yet he could not blame the stoic captain of Seigaku for his decision. Their _'relationship'_ wasn't enough to tie Tezuka to him. It wasn't fair. What they had was merely a fleeting moment of weakness after all. A memorable night that gave him a once in a lifetime opportunity to be with the person he held dear.

* * *

_Trembling fingers grasped his broad shoulders as Atobe continued gently nibbling the exposed flesh beneath him. He could hear Tezuka's labored breathing as he savored all that his naked body could offer. His hands traveled downward touching both of them. _

_A moan._

_ A grunt. _

_A flick. _

_It was enough for him. _

_When his mind could no longer take the overflowing feelings of desire, he entered him. __A silent curse escaped his lips as he felt just how good it was to be inside him at last. He ground his hips, their skin coming in contact with each other._

_ A sense of hope filled his chest when Tezuka responded with his own thrust but it was short-lived._

_"F-Fuji."_

_At that moment, he knew._

___ It hurt. _

___It hurt a lot._

___ How could a single word cause him so much pain? How could it destroy something he __had been dreaming about from the moment he realized where his feelings lay? _

_Now he understood the reason why Tezuka had so willingly accepted his advances._

_He had meant for this moment to be gentle but the pain and embarrassment weren't enough to stop him. It only made him thrust harder and faster. He gripped Tezuka's body tightly wanting him to feel how his words agonized him. His movements were rough but he did not stop. He pulled on the brunette's hair and bit his neck. Hard. Hard enough to taste a bit of blood in his mouth and __see the teeth markings he left. It was definitely going to leave a bruise in the morning._

_He could hear the springs on his bed squeaking. He could smell the musk and sweat of their bodies. But he couldn't see anything. He had closed his eyes the moment he heard him calling another man's name. It was too much. He didn't have to see his aroused face knowing that he wasn't the reason for it. He'll just let himself believe that everything was a dream his mind had conjured. That would be better._

_____Atobe continued his actions_ to relieve his lust and desire. He_ felt the scrape of fingernails on his back as they both came and thought dimly that it was good that he wasn't numb._

_There was only silence between them as they tried to return their breathing to normal. He stood up first not bothering to look at Tezuka for fear of seeing his reaction to what had just transpired between them. _

_"Ore-sama will just take a shower," he excused himself heading straight to his bathroom without waiting for a reply. He closed the door and leaned back. He couldn't see anything clearly. His vision was clouded but he refused to acknowledge his own weakness. Blinking back the tears he went into the shower and let the scalding water cascade down his body._

_Almost an hour had passed when Atobe decided to go back to his room. He picked up his bathrobe and wrapped himself up not bothering to dry his hair. Upon opening the door he was greeted by silence._

_"He must have left in such a haste to leave his belongings behind," he said picking up Tezuka's red scarf from his night stand._

* * *

"Keigo-sama, we have arrived," announced his driver. Atobe opened his eyes to see the familiar path towards Tezuka's house.

"Ore-sama will be back in a few minutes," he informed before closing the door of his limo.

He walked slowly. His feet felt like lead and his heart was pounding loudly but his steps continued. It was already dark when they reached this particular neighborhood. The street was lined with lamp posts being turned on one by one.

He stopped by one of the streetlamps near Tezuka's house trying to calm his nerves. His figure, basked in the light from the post, cast a shadow upon the pavement. He unwrapped the red scarf around his neck and carefully folded it in his arms. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and checked if there were any messages.

* * *

___A week ago._

___"Kabaji, tell the others to be at the courts this afternoon," Atobe stated without looking up from the papers he was reading. It was a typical day for the Hyotei captain as he continued skimming over their new training regimen for the week. He had opted for training harder than before just to take his mind off of things. His teammates had seen the change in their captain yet none of them dared to confront him about it. They reckoned that this phase would simply pass just like the other times their captain had abruptly changed their workout routine. It was for the benefit of the team anyway so no one was complaining._

___"Usu," his trusted companion replied before disappearing. A few minutes passed until Atobe realized that he was alone. His gaze flickered towards a familiar red scarf innocently lying on top of a table not far from where he was sitting. Seeing that he was now distracted from his work, he stood up and grabbed the offending piece of clothing. His hand was shaking yet he did not know if it was from anger, pain or regret. He silently contemplated on his next course of action. Upon coming up with a decision, he walked back to his desk and flipped open his phone. He quickly typed in his message but paused before he could press the 'send' button._

___o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o _

___**To:** Kunimitsu Tezuka_

___**Subject:** ..._

___Tezuka, let us meet at the park next week. Same time. Ore-sama shall be waiting._

___o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

* * *

___"Tezuka, are you okay?"_

___The worried voice of Seigaku's Vice Captain brought Kunimitsu Tezuka's attention back to their meeting. Almost everyone of the regulars were looking at him. After all, it wasn't everyday that they saw their captain being distracted especially during one of their meetings._

___Tezuka cleared his throat before nodding back at his teammates. As the meeting progressed, nobody paid attention to their captain's hand holding on to his phone that displayed a message from Atobe Keigo._

* * *

Atobe looked at his hands tightly clutching the red scarf and sighed in frustration. He knew that he shouldn't be here. Waiting for three hours was enough of an answer for anyone but he could not help but hope. If anyone knew about his predicament they would probably say it was impossible for the great Atobe Keigo to waste his precious time waiting for someone.

"And yet here is ore-sama," he sneered.

He straightened up before moving forward with more confident strides. His movements were halted when the front door to his destination opened. A familiar pair can be seen emerging from it. Their bodies were in close proximity as the shorter one took the first steps out. Syusuke Fuji turned around to face Tezuka. Atobe did not see the _tensai's_ expression however, he did see Tezuka's. Again, he felt the unbearable pain in his chest as he looked at the happy expression on the brunette's face. The way his hazel eyes were filled with so much affection and how his hands inconspicuously reached out to link themselves with Fuji's. They did not notice Hyoutei's King clenching his jaw. They did not see his eyes narrowing towards the pair. They did not see how Atobe could not even take a single step towards the oblivious couple.

Upon noticing that Fuji was going to leave, Atobe quickly hid behind the streetlamp thankful that Fuji was going to the opposite direction. He unconsciously hid the scarf inside his jacket as if his reflexes told him to do so. He saw Tezuka still looking at the direction where Fuji went. He mustered enough courage and stepped out from hiding.

"Tezuka."

The only indication of surprise on the Tezuka's face was his raised brows. It was only for a second and his features schooled back to their original stoic expression.

"Ahn~ You might be wondering why the great ore-sama has shown his presence before you," he haughtily remarked. Atobe pretended to be his usual confident overbearing self as if nothing happened and Tezuka did the same by replying with one-word answers to his statements. Their conversation went on with neither of them bringing up the important topic they should be talking about.

"It's already late, Atobe. We can discuss practice matches next time. Good evening," Tezuka finally said realizing that what they were doing was quite pointless.

"That's it?" the words left Atobe's mouth before he could think twice but he didn't regret it in anyway because he could see the transition of emotions behind his beloved's eyes. Surprise. Confusion. Regret. Pity.

_._

_._

_"For just one second, I hold my breath, _  
_and, unable to say anything, I stand still dumbfounded."_

_._

_._

"That's-"

"I am not a pierrot," were Atobe's next words. Gone was the self-centered tone in his voice. He did not even refer to himself as ore-sama. It was just a simple "I" and yet it was enough to tell Tezuka what he needed to know.

"Atobe-"

"Ahn~ Ore-sama shall be off. Be prepared, Tezuka. Hyotei will-," Atobe did not even finish his famous line. His desire to leave this place outweighed all other options. He did not wait for any response from Tezuka. He abruptly turned and swiftly walked away not daring to look back until he reached his limousine.

.

.

_"I quit. I'm not waiting here for you anymore. _  
_Otherwise, I will really end up breaking."_

_._

_.  
_

* * *

**つづく**

* * *

**_Author's Not_****e[2]:** _ALL THE FEELS...asdfghjkl; _

Do tell me if I made any mistakes.


	2. Epilogue

oOo

**I AM NOT A PIERROT**

[Epilogue]

_by: meganedanshi_

oOo

* * *

_"Yes, this is the sad end of my fate._

_I am still unable to reach you."_

_._

_._

"Keigo-sama, what shall we do with this? Your personal driver retrieved it from one of the limousines back in Japan."

Atobe Keigo can be seen lounging in the balcony of one of their properties in western Scotland. He raised his sunglasses to look at the familiar piece of clothing in the servant's hands. He smirked upon recognizing it. He held out his hand and felt the soft texture of the red scarf settle across his palm. He dismissed all his attendants wanting to be alone for a while.

It had been months since he last saw _his_ scarf. He had completely forgotten all about it until now. It was a wonder how it managed to show itself to him after so many months.

"It seems that fate is still playing with ore-sama, hmm?" he ran his fingers through his hair as he contemplated on what to do.

After the confrontation between them, Atobe never conversed with Tezuka alone. They were always surrounded with their teammates. And even then, he did not directly acknowledge the brunette. He did not know if he should be thankful or not that he had not played against the stoic captain. He was always paired up with their first year tennis prodigy or even a doubles match against the Golden Pair. The only time they had an interaction was when the captains of the respective teams would shake hands before and after a match. During that time, he was able to look straight at Tezuka with his unwavering gaze.

Shaking his head to dismiss the memories, Atobe carefully folded the scarf and gently held on to it. He decided to keep the piece of clothing. It was enough for him. It may constitute as a reminder of a very painful yet beautiful memory but he had no regrets.

.

.

_._

_"Yes, I am the pierrot you desire._

_Just command me as you wish."_

_._

_._

_._

* * *

**- 終わり -**

**END**

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

Pierrot means "one of the comic servants, or zanni, functioned in the comedia as an unsuccessful lover and a victim of the pranks of his fellow comedians."(source: Encyclopedia Britannica). In the story, pierrot connotes "unsuccessful lover".

I wasn't planning on writing lemons but it just happened.

On a side note, I apologize to those waiting for an update on my other fanfic but don't worry I will be updating that very soon. Hopefully.. err..yeah.


End file.
